I’m a bit late in posting this, but life has been busy- to say the least! It’s no secret that the past 6 years have been filled with turmoil. Between Gabe’s death and then the other very big changes in life it seemed like the ground was shifting under my feet. Just when it felt like something was stable, there were new challenges and obstacles.
Early on in my grief I remember feeling like life should just contain no more struggles for grieving parents, and I eventually put it to words in The hard times quota. It really seems cruel when you get hit with the worst pain a parent can bear and then are hit with more pain and change. It takes a lot of faith (and a lot of prayer!) to get through when you already feel beaten down.
The beautiful thing about those stressful times, though, is that I really grew to appreciate everything else in life. When you have been through the worst it changes your perspective immensely. I have an intense appreciation for what I do have, and when I was introduced to Chris I knew I found someone special. We got married a month ago and all I can say is I am blessed.
With this beautiful change there has been some sadness too. There is a sadness in the fact that Gabe never had the chance to meet Chris. Gabe would have loved him, and I think he would have loved the joy that I now have in my life. It was bittersweet to have such a beautiful wedding and reception with one of my sons missing. Chris suggested we take the extra bouquet and bring it to the cemetery, so when we left the reception we made a stop and gave the flowers to Gabe. My sweet husband also made sure to give me a small picture frame to add to my bouquet, with two pictures of my sweet boy. I am so thankful to have this wonderful man by my side who not only accepts my grief, but made sure to incorporate the memory of a stepson he never met, into such a significant life event.
6 years ago I was in the early throes of grief and never would have pictured my life where it is now. You really never know what the future holds. Sometimes God brings things to life that are far greater than we can possibly fathom, and sometimes we need to pass through deep, deep sorrow to reach the joy. And what amazing joy it is!