You go through something hard. That should be it right? When something awful happens like the death of an immediate family member, or a horrible diagnosis, or any number of awful life events- that should be it! That difficult event should be your quota. I remember thinking shortly after Gabe died that his death was my hard thing. I would grow and recover and that would be it.
Unfortunately that’s not how life works. Soon after Gabe died life kicked back into gear, tossing some struggles at our family with an employment situation that caused immense stress. And then there was just day to day living that was difficult and felt impossible at times.
And now there’s another situation that I can’t share about but is extremely difficult. It seems so unfair. It seems like I have been handed too much. But you know what? I have been through the worst. So that huge, awful thing that happened on April 8 2016 has prepared me for this. I made it through the deepest grief possible and I’m still standing. I didn’t think I could survive it but I did. I can look back and see that although I walked through the deepest sorrow I am still here. As awful as the place I am standing now feels, I KNOW that I can overcome this obstacle as well. I don’t want this obstacle, I’d love to just wave it away. But I can’t.
So now I stand, finding the need to recreate myself and figure out who I am and what I want. And hoping that maybe THIS event will fill my hard times quota. I know in reality that it won’t, but hopefully it will count for at least a little while!