Ok, feeling more bitter than sweet. Just about 2 weeks ago I started taking a class. It’s Medical Terminology. I LOVE the subject and it’s kind of my first dive into any medical class. The format is online which works really for a busy mom with a part time job and a side of grief. This is a bit of a test for me. I’m not sure if there will be more classes later (there likely will be), or what those classes will be in, but I needed to start somewhere and see if I could handle college at this point in my life. It has been 20 years since I received my degree, after all!
So far it’s going great. I’ve only taken one chapter test and a test about the syllabus but I’ve done well on both. But there’s a bitter to this. I’m not supposed to be the one taking a class. The way this was supposed to go is that I’m supposed to be sitting down with my high school senior and helping HIM select his course of study and his path for life. Life just doesn’t go how it’s supposed to though, does it?
This is the journey of child loss. There will forever be things that just feel wrong. The challenge of this journey is to let those feelings come and somehow be able to continue on and even thrive in that wrong-ness. That is no easy task. It seems this class represents something much larger than just a class. It’s part of my journey of learning how to grow and thrive in the wrong-ness. I will keep studying, keep doing my best, and keep remembering my boy as I move forward.
What I Can't Control 