Something so seemingly insignificant. A piece of furniture. It’s important to have a comfortable place to share time with family, but I really hadn’t given much thought to our couches. I guess I did give SOME thought to them- how they looked dirty and I REALLY didn’t want to steam vac them again. And how it seemed we could never all sit comfortably in our living room- someone was always squished on the loveseat and someone was confined to a chair and I knew there had to be a better option. So a few months ago I started looking. Maybe it was more than a few months but time is a funny thing when you’ve lost someone you love and sometimes more time has passed than I can remember.
When I started shopping I looked at and almost bought a reclining couch and loveseat set, but it was just way too expensive. It seemed silly and frivolous and not a true NEED. But a few days ago we were in Costco and saw a similar set for a very reasonable price. We had some money saved up and knew it was an OK expense. Doug and I thought about it overnight and decided that yes, it would be a good purchase.
I was expecting to love them and I did. They fit in our living room perfectly and I have to say having four recliners is pretty awesome. It feels like a splurge but a good one. What I wasn’t expecting was these new couches to trigger my grief. That night as I lay in bed I realized I felt sad. Sad because this was a change. A seemingly insignificant change to most, but a big one to me. I was sad because Gabe sat on those old couches. When he was sick, when he was sad, when he was happy, when he was so tired because it was time for surgery, and when he was recovering from surgery. He was here and he touched those couches.
Really it’s not about the couches. It’s about the memories. Memories of my sweet boy living on those couches, and in this house. It’s not really that I’m sad about getting rid of furniture. It’s that I’m sad that he’s not here anymore. The memories will still be here, I just really wish it wasn’t just the memories. I wish he could still be here, making new memories, sitting on these new couches and enjoying the fun of the recliners. Oh, how he would love it!