Today was a great day for me. This morning I got spend some time with a wonderful friend. It was perfect. This friend has been here listening and walking with me in my grief. Then I was able to go to a baby shower- another wonderful friend, who has also been instrumental in my grief survival, is going to be a Grandmother in the summer and we got to celebrate that new, sweet life that will join her family.
Today was beautiful. I couldn’t help but notice the beauty of the sky today. Puffy white clouds with gray mixed in, and various shades of blue. It looked like a painting. Everywhere I drove today I couldn’t ignore the beauty.
Also today, though, I heard that a girl in my area passed away. She got sick just a few weeks ago and yesterday she was unable to fight any more. Suddenly I realized how wrong the beauty of the sky seemed.
Driving around I couldn’t help but remember how it felt for me, 3 years ago. On days when it felt almost cruel that the sky looked so blue and perfect. It just felt so wrong. I knew everyone was going about their usual business and enjoying the sky- just as I did today as another family is starting on this journey. I can’t say what they are feeling- while we have a common loss I am not them. But I do know that for me it was horrible. It didn’t feel like the sky should be beautiful. It didn’t feel like anyone should be doing anything. It felt like the world should stop. Because my world did.
So today even though I am happy, I am sad for her family. And I realize that just because the day is beautiful to me doesn’t mean it is beautiful for everyone. For someone today is filled with sorrow. It’s not something I ever realized before Gabe’s death. But now it is not something I can ignore. Sometimes things in life are just so wrong.
What I Can't Control 