Time is a tricky thing. Sometimes it takes forever for time to move forward. Sometimes it just slips by so fast and you wonder where it has gone. For whatever reason, this 2 1/2 year milestone is hitting me hard. It’s been 2 1/2 years since Gabe got a great report from his cardiologist. Everything looked great on April 7. His EKG showed no changes beyond his normal (not typical normal, but his normal). His heart was “very photogenic” that day, the tech said as she looked at his heart. He was watching “Big Hero 6” on the TV while they scanned him, a movie where the older brother dies. Ouch. Little did I know that the next day the older brother in our home would die.
It’s been 2 1/2 years and it STILL doesn’t make sense. My heart still won’t accept it. I have so many moments where it still feels like it just happened. Like he was JUST here. Like it was 2 1/2 months ago, not years.
I know sometimes it probably seems like I’m wallowing in my grief, but I think this is completely normal- if anything can be normal after burying a child. I’m not wallowing. The problem is that even though it seems to the world like it’s been 2 1/2 years, in my brain it feels like it just happened. Because he was JUST here.