Grief hurts. It hurts you down to the core and changes things that seem like they will never change. When something that is such a huge part of your being is taken away things change. I don’t really think it’s possible to not undergo change after burying a child.
I lost myself on April 8, 2016. Throughout the past 2 years and 5 months I’ve been trying to find myself again but sometimes it seems like it’s not really working. Sure there are still parts of me that are there, but many are not.
I’m at a bit of a crossroads. My child died. But I didn’t. So from this point on I have to live the best life I can. It’s painful to realize that. It HURTS to somehow be OK with trying to make the most of this crappy situation. It hurts to somehow be OK with moving forward at all. My feet want to stay firmly planted in grief, but I know that’s not how the rest of my life has to go. So I’ll keep walking forward, one step at a time. I’ll surround myself with those who are sensitive and empathetic, and patient as I figure things out, because anything less would dishonor that beautiful child and his amazing conquer the world spirit.