A gloomy day

This post might end up having a lot of rambling. But since it’s my blog I’m OK with that! Todays weather is a lot like my mood. Gloomy. Early this morning I realized that today is yet another significant anniversary- the anniversary of Gabe’s funeral. I remember so many details and for now they will stay tucked inside my heart and mind.

Today is a Sunday so we went to Mass. It was just my youngest and I, because my husband and middle son were away. I started to feel sad. Almost immediately I felt sad. Eventually I started to feel kind of panicked. I like sitting near the end so I can leave discreetly, but we were in the middle. I also realized that if I left I would be leaving my 12 year old to sit alone, knowing that his sad mom couldn’t stay. So I stayed. It took a huge amount of strength to stay. I cried, but I stayed. And I guess that is really what this journey is about – staying even though I’m crying.

 

Author: griefmom

I am a mom to 3 wonderful boys- 2 on earth and one in heaven. I work for a local hospital helping people learn how to be healthier and access resources. I'm Catholic and have faith that I will one day see my son in heaven. This blog is about my journey- as I figure out who I am in the face of an unimaginable loss. Life is difficult but beauty can be found after the struggles.

6 thoughts on “A gloomy day”

  1. Becca
    I now always sit on the end. Every situation I assess the exit strategy and have a plan. Have only used it a couple of times. Hugs to you. Coffee soon ?

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  2. Becca, when I’m at church, I look for you. What I see and feel is the pain, but I also see the strength. Knowing someone else is experiencing a pain of a loss so great gives me strength to know I can still fight my own battle of grief. We lost different people, but we lost someone we loved and someone close to us. I’m glad you stayed. It helps remind me that as a community, we are all in this together-in prayer, in the Eucharist, and on our grief journey.

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  3. As I have walked thru my own depression, I have learned the best place to sit and cry is the church… Even when I think no one should see me.

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