I’ve contemplated starting a blog for a while, since mid April of 2016. Why then? My son died. He DIED. My CHILD. And when something that horrible happens you have many feelings. Feelings that can’t even be named. They change in a split second and they take over every part of your life. I’ve been using Facebook as an outlet for those feelings but honestly these feelings are too complex for a short paragraph here and there (ok, a few long paragraphs multiple times each day!). So some of my sharing will transition to this blog.
Why is it necessary to share so much about grief? Because child loss is a taboo subject. It is something that no one really wants to think about. The awareness that something so devastating can happen in a split second is so terrifying. But because people don’t want to talk about it those who have lost children feel isolated. It’s hard to handle a type of grief that is rarely mentioned. If it is discussed more, others will slowly be able to handle a friend or acquaintance saying “my child died”, or “I have a child in Heaven”, or “I lost a baby”.
Why did I choose “What I Can’t Control” as the name? It all comes from a song. It is taken from the opening lyrics of a beautiful song. “All of Me” is by Matt Hammit, and Matt Hammit is a heart dad. I am a heart mom. My son Gabe (the one who is in Heaven) had a Congenital Heart Defect. “All of Me” is about loving someone who could die, and that is the journey of a parent of a CHD child.
“Afraid to love something that could break
Could I move on, if you were torn away
And I’m so close to what I can’t control
I can’t give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole”
Those lyrics have been floating around in my head for as long as that song has been around. What I can’t control- well really life is about that. That was just highlighted in the most extreme way on April 8, 2016. I’m having to move on, as he was torn away.
This blog is about the moving on part. Or the moving forward part. As I continue to navigate the rest of my life with 1/3 of my boys in Heaven.
So welcome, I hope that everyone who reads this will learn a bit about grief and about finding the strength to continue when the unthinkable happens.
What I Can't Control 
Becca, I will be so happy to read your blog, which will undoubtedly help me as well!
I never get tired of hearing your story!
Love and Hugs
Pat
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Thanks so much Pat! I hope you do find it helpful. You are an encouragement to me too😊
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Hi Becca,
I am honored to have met you on our Cursillo weekend. Since I lost someone very close and dear to me recently, I feel connected to you through our faith and grief. Although you lost your son and I lost my brother, we still share a common thread-losing someone we love. I find people have a hard time talking about feelings associated with death, dying, and coping with loss. So when I see an article, a program, or something that will help, I am eager to check it out. I always look forward to seeing your Facebook posts. They always seem to help give me strength to keep on going, even among the tears. Therefore, I am looking forward to keeping up with your Blog. Maybe I will be inspired to start one myself on sibling loss. Thank you and God bless.
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I’m so glad to know you too Doris 🙂 And I appreciate your perspective since I have two boys at home who lost their brother. Thanks for commenting and I hope what I write continues to be helpful to you!
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